Last week, I shared a powerful teaching from The Compassion Code Academy on ditching drama and fostering healthier connections. Today, I want to delve deeper into a game-changing concept—the "preframe"—that my clients boast will completely transform your communication and set you up for success like never before.

A pre-frame is an invitation for others to meet you where you are. Sharing vulnerably allows them to see you as a human and takes away the guesswork of having productive communication. Imagine that you sharing what is true for you is like offering them the opportunity to ride the elevator with you instead of them having to take the stairs.

When we begin utilizing the pre-frame, we set ourselves and others up for success even more. By setting expectations appropriately, realistically, and kindly, you increase the likelihood of achieving the outcomes you desire while inspiring others to do the same.

When we neglect to pre-frame, we risk setting ourselves and others up for failure, disappointment, resentment, resistance, and disconnection. However, by simply taking a moment to share your intentions, you can completely shift the conversation in a positive way and pave the way for healthy communication.

Let's envision a scenario: You walk into a doctor's office. Instead of the typical form and clipboard, the office manager warmly greets you, saying, "Hello [Your Name], thank you for visiting us today. The doctor is running about 15 minutes behind this morning. We apologize for any inconvenience. Please relax in our lounge, where you'll find water and coffee. Your choice to entrust us with your healthcare is truly appreciated." These 20 seconds can work wonders, particularly for someone feeling nervous, overwhelmed, anxious, or time-strapped.

Here is one of my favorite pre-frame that I use often, "Hey, I want to share something important with you; is this a good time? If not, let me know when is. I don’t want to interrupt, and I want your undivided attention.”

If you're ready to ditch the drama in your life and become a more masterful communicator, even in challenging conversations, I invite you to apply for our upcoming cohort of The Compassion Code Academy.

This transformative communication and leadership training will empower you to improve relationships, communication skills, and overall happiness and success. Only 6 spots are available in this cohort, so apply now to secure your spot.

Don't forget to try out the pre-frame technique—it will revolutionize your communication!

Are you tired of drama and conflict using up your energy and holding you back? Do you crave healthier, more meaningful connections with the people in your life? If so, I have great news for you!

You're about to discover a transformative solution that can revolutionize the way you engage with others. And the best part? It's within your grasp. I want to share an exclusive teaching with you from The Compassion Code Academy—our leadership and communication training — that's designed to empower you with the tools to break free from communication barriers and foster genuine connection

Ditching the drama begins with setting ourselves and others up for success, especially when it comes to communication.

At the heart of it, all humans share the same three basic desires: love, safety, and belonging. Just like our bodies seek homeostasis, our hearts and minds yearn for peace. And here's the thing: we're all on the SAME team.

Here are a few tips so you can make sure that you and the people in your life are not only thinking you are on the same team but also acting like you are on the same team:

1) Offer gratitude, compliments, and support regularly. Remind others of their greatness and say thank you when they do something awesome!

2) Encourage others to use their strengths whenever possible.

3) Ask for what you need and acknowledge their needs too. Use "AND" instead of "BUT" to show inclusivity.

4) Collaborate with curiosity and find common ground. Say "that makes sense" to understand someone else's perspective.

If you're ready to ditch the drama in your life and become a more masterful communicator, even in challenging conversations, I invite you to apply for our upcoming cohort of The Compassion Code Academy.

Our transformative communication and leadership training will empower you to improve relationships, communication skills, and overall happiness and success. Only 6 spots are available in each cohort, so apply now to secure your spot!

**Remember, relationships are the glue that binds families, effective working environments, governance, and economies. It all starts with you and your relationship with yourself. Apply now to embark on this life-changing journey! 

If you are anything like me, a high-achieving, people-pleasing, perfectionist who is also extremely empathetic, there is a good chance you are either burnt out or on the road there...

Why? Because these qualities that lend themselves to traditional success, often have us giving at all costs (even our own well-being).

I wanted to share with you these 3 essential steps and practices that have helped me care for others without shouldering the burden of their pain and hardships.

Step 1: Shifting Our Mindset about Pain and Hardship

When we recognize pain and hardship as part of the growth journey, we can approach others' struggles with a different perspective. Instead of feeling compelled to fix them, we can acknowledge their experiences as an integral part of their personal growth. Understanding that people are not broken but broken-hearted allows us to offer validation and acceptance, rather than trying to provide unsolicited advice or judgment.

Step 2: Letting Go Physically

Our bodies hold energy, including the emotions and experiences we absorb while listening to others. After engaging in heartfelt conversations, it's crucial to release that energy. Take a moment to breathe deeply, inhaling love and exhaling pain. Take your hands and literally brush off any residual energy from your body, as if removing dust, and then shake it off, just like a dog would. Conclude with a cleansing breath, allowing yourself to let go of what is not yours to carry.

Step 3: Filling Yourself Back Up with the 3 P's

Play, pleasure, and personal expression are key to replenishing ourselves after offering support. Engage in activities that bring joy and stimulate your senses. Embrace playfulness through dance parties, creative hobbies, or exploring new recipes. Find pleasure in indulging your senses, savoring delightful scents, tastes, textures, sounds, and sights. Finally, embrace personal expression through art, music, writing, or any medium that allows you to authentically express yourself.

Remember, by caring for ourselves, we can show up more fully and authentically for others. It's a beautiful dance of compassion and self-care that creates a positive ripple effect in our lives and the lives of those we touch.

If you want some support around healthy boundary building, standing up for yourself with kindness, speaking your needs, or any other interpersonal relationship challenge, join The Compassion Collective: Expert Coaching to Navigate Life's Challenges with Compassion and Shared Humanity!

I am in recovery as a high-achieving, people-pleasing, perfectionist who is also extremely empathetic.

If you are anything like me, these lovely qualities can lead to burnout because we want to do well and often give at all costs (even our own well-being).

I wanted to share with you these 3 essential steps and practices that have helped me care for others without shouldering the burden of their pain and hardships .

Step 1: Shifting Our Mindset about Pain and Hardship

When we recognize pain and hardship as part of the growth journey, we can approach others' struggles with a different perspective. Instead of feeling compelled to fix them, we can acknowledge their experiences as an integral part of their personal growth. Understanding that people are not broken but broken-hearted allows us to offer validation and acceptance, rather than trying to provide unsolicited advice or judgment.

Step 2: Letting Go Physically

Our bodies hold energy, including the emotions and experiences we absorb while listening to others. After engaging in heartfelt conversations, it's crucial to release that energy. Take a moment to breathe deeply, inhaling love and exhaling pain. Take your hands and literally brush off any residual energy from your body, as if removing dust, and then shake it off, just like a dog would. Conclude with a cleansing breath, allowing yourself to let go of what is not yours to carry.

Step 3: Filling Yourself Back Up with the 3 P's

Play, pleasure, and personal expression are key to replenishing ourselves after offering support. Engage in activities that bring joy and stimulate your senses. Embrace playfulness through dance parties, creative hobbies, or exploring new recipes. Find pleasure in indulging your senses, savoring delightful scents, tastes, textures, sounds, and sights. Finally, embrace personal expression through art, music, writing, or any medium that allows you to authentically express yourself.

Throughout my journey as a highly empathetic person and a  Grief Recovery Specialist, these practices have helped me maintain my own well-being while supporting others (even through some of their toughest moments).

Remember, by caring for ourselves, we can show up more fully and authentically for others. It's a beautiful dance of compassion and self-care that creates a positive ripple effect in our lives and the lives of those we touch.

Which of the 3 steps can you implement right away?

Take our Self-WELLth Assessment to determine where you are on the road to burnout!!

Life has such an interesting way of teaching us what we need to learn. My education is around humility right now. Even the email I wrote you last week was like eating a big piece of humble pie.

I lived. The vulnerability of sharing my truth didn't kill me.

As I have been in deep reflection about my life, I have been revisiting my journals... not sure that you know I have been writing in journals since I was 16 years old... so I have A LOT.

I found a beautiful reflection that I would like to share with you from a couple years ago:

If I am lucky enough to be an old lady one day, I want to look back at my life and think:

I loved so, so, so, so much.
I learned so, so, so, so much.
I experienced so, so, so, so much.

I forgave often.
I apologized often.

I loved myself tenderly, and when I did I loved my family and friends freely.

I shared my love and vision of the beauty I see in others often.

I hugged a lot.

I faced fear.

I advocated for others. I advocated for myself.

I laughed a lot and surrounded myself with amazing people.

I saw beautiful places.

I cried often.

And I kept growing- even when it hurt.

I feel so much gratitude for the beautiful life I had on Earth.

Wow- what a life.

It was hard. It hurt. It was also incredibly amazing.

The lows accentuated the hights.

The highs made it all worth it. 

Does this speak to you and how you want to live your life?

If so watch my new 15 minute presentation called: The One Simple Shift to Uncover the Path to Authentic Happiness and Success! It was really fun to make, and I hope you enjoy it too!

I was re-reading my journal, something I do fairly often lately, and I thought I would share some of it with you so you could get to know me better. I would love to get to know you better too... so feel free to respond.

I am Laura Jack.
I am a teacher, a guide, a coach, a writer, a mother, a friend, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a storyteller, a comedian, a lover of life. I am a speaker. I am a soul. A spirit. A love.

I am here to shift the world into a more kind and gentle place- where people care about one another, themselves, and the planet.

I am here to lead by example.
I am here to demonstrate my compassion and my humanness.

I am here to help people love their bodies, themselves, and each other.

I am here to shine and laugh, cry and celebrate.

Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted exactly as they are.
That is my mission - giving everyone a safe space.

My gift is seeing people. Really feeling them. Helping inspire them, breaking down walls, opening mind and hearts.

I am here to impact women and families -- humans who want to shine and thrive -- who care deeply almost to their own detriment.

Be seen. Be heard. Get coached.
Change your life.

I would love to learn more about you!
If you resonate with my message, please reply or schedule a call with me.

Father's Day is just around the corner and like all holidays, can come with some baggage.
Like Christmas, Valentine's Day, or its close relative, Mother's Day, Father's Day can bring up unresolved grief.

Whether your father is living or dead, available or unavailable, distant or over-bearing, there are always things we wish were different, better, or more. Perhaps your relationship with your dad isn’t what you hoped or dreamed it would be, your dad wasn't around when you were growing up, your parents divorced, you wish you could see him more often, or perhaps you’ve never even met your biological father, etc. Since family can be complicated, it is important to remember Father's Day can be too.

This also includes what it means to be a father. Father's Day can also brings up feelings for men who wanted to be fathers but aren't, who were fathers but who lost their children, or for fathers whose children are no longer in their lives.

Whether this day is a celebration or challenge, be compassionate with yourself and others, as everyone has a story and no relationship is perfect.

Below are helpful reminders as you embark on Father's Day weekend!

1. If you have or know a great father, thank them!

2. It is normal to have feelings of sadness, longing, or just wishing things were different, better, or more.

3. Give yourself permission to feel however you feel.

4. Whatever your story is, please know that you are not alone. If you have the best dad or the worst dad; if your dad died or you sometimes think that would make it easier; if your relationship with your dad is complicated and healing, or simple and growing; please remember that there is nothing wrong with you.

5. You may look around this weekend or see a whole bunch of social posts with a whole bunch of people looking happy and celebrating their father, and you may even be one of them. Just know that underneath the surface, everyone has a story, no one is perfect, and we are all just trying to figure it out.

6. If your dad has died and you miss him, this may be a special opportunity to spend time doing things you loved doing with him. You can also consider doing something that he loved. I encourage you to set aside time to honor him in whatever way feels good to you.

7. If you have a less than loving relationship with your dad, living or dead, this may be a good opportunity to be kind to yourself. Perhaps do something for yourself that you wish your dad would have done with you or for you.

I hope that reading this message allows you to find peace this Father's Day. To all the Father's out there, good and bad, who gave us life-- thank you.

For more support around grief and relating to one another more kindly through the challenges of life, subscribe to our newsletter and download the Compassion Code Starter Guide here.

Mother's Day, like all holidays, can bring a mixture of emotions. While we all technically have a mother, what happens after birth varies greatly.I had no idea how challenging Mother's Day could be until my mom died because most of my life it was just a day where our family did something nice for our mom.

Since her death and after working with many men and women who have complicated and non-existent relationships with their mothers, I realize how much emotion this holiday can bring.As we say in Grief Recovery, unresolved grief comes from the things we wish were "different, better, or more... or a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.

"Whether your mother is living or dead, available or unavailable, distant or over-bearing, there are always things we wish were different, better, or more. For example, I wish that my mom hadn't died so young. I wish that my mom were here to be a grandmother. I wish my mom could be here to witness her babies being parents. I wish I could tell her I love her one more time. I wish I could tell her how much more I appreciate her now that I am a mom.

The other piece of this is around motherhood. Mother's Day also brings up feelings for women who want or wanted to be mothers but could not, ​who were mothers but who lost their children, or for mothers whose children are no longer in their lives.

Relationships are complicated, particularly with the women who bring us into this world and/or raise us.If you know a mother, yours or someone else's, who you think is doing a great job, let them know. If you are a mother, be kind to yourself, as it seems to be the hardest job in the world.

Whether this day is a celebration or a challenge, be compassionate to yourself and others, as everyone has a story and no relationship is perfect. 

What do you wish were different, better, or more with your mom?

What hopes, dreams and expectations did you or do you have that haven't or won't ever be met?

If you want to explore these feelings visit www.laurajack.com or get my free Compassion Code Starter Guide here to learn more about how to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens.

It may seem strange to hear and it is even a bit strange to say, but I have this deep knowing that my mom's death was a gift to me.

While her death was the most heart-breaking experience of my life, as I reflect back over the last 13 years.... I feel a deep sense of gratitude.

Because I love my life now... it is easier for me to have gratitude for the painful experiences I now see as wisdom markers.

My mom's sudden and tragic death awakened me to the fragile and precious nature of life. It woke me up to living on purpose and fully present.

As I do work to help others heal, grow and transform their pain into purpose through self-compassion, I feel like her death was not in vain -- but rather the birth of my purpose and her legacy.

She was extraordinary in her life as a mom, wife, friend, sister and daughter, but who she continues to be in her death goes beyond titles or roles...

Her death was one of her greatest gifts and sacrifices... an act of service... because now, those of us who love and loved her get to continue sharing the gifts of her life.

Now, through years of healing, growth, transformation and education, here are some of the gifts I get to share from her death.

I GET to serve others whose hearts were broken OPEN by loss, but who have decided that they want to thrive and live a life on purpose in service to others.

I wrote The Compassion Code, How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens. Without my own heart-ache, the reactions of others, and then years of helping grievers, I would not have been able to write that book because before she died... I had NO IDEA.

I wouldn't have built The Compassion Code Academy to help healers and heart-centered professionals with communication and leadership skills rooted in the value of self-compassion first through the lens of grief.

And I definitely wouldn't be training Compassion Coaches through our Compassion Coach Training (more on this later).

What are some of the gifts of your grief?

If you don't know yet, it may be time to embark on your own healing journey. If you are still sitting in the pain of your loss, and you aren't ready yet...that's OKAY.

And, when you are ready to leave the cocoon and transform into a butterfly, my team and I are here.

If you are ready to embark on that journey, the first step is to watch my free training: 4 Shifts to Move Beyond The Pain of Loss So You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth In Your Life  the cliff’s notes of everything I have learned in the last decade + 

"In my own worst seasons I've come back from the colorless world of despair by forcing myself to look hard, for a long time, at a single glorious thing: a flame of red geranium outside my bedroom window. And then another: my daughter in a yellow dress. And another: the perfect outline of a full, dark sphere behind the crescent moon. Until I learned to be in love with my life again. Like a stroke victim retraining new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills, I have taught myself joy, over and over again." -Barbara Kingsolver, b. 1955

When I read this quote it felt so familiar to me. It reminded me of a time when I was unsure if I would ever feel like "me" again. I was worried that I would never smile... never laugh ... that I would never give a compliment again because I felt empty... that I would never love life again. It felt so permanent. While I was able to go through the motions, get by day to day, I was but a shadow of my former self.

Have you ever felt this way?

For me, it was the sudden, tragic death of my mom that took the wind out of my sails (but grief can really be from any loss or life transition).

And like all great stories, after a period of deep grief, I had a decision to make. Would I let my mom's death be the end of me and my light OR would I CHOOSE LIFE?

I was determined to do whatever it took for me to find joy again. I took my healing and recovery very seriously... like my life depended on it -- because it did.

Rediscovering my light again took me 7 years of continuous investment in support, guidance, training, coaching, education, and mentorship.

Like I said, I was determined, and I was not willing to let anything stand in my way. I remember saying, If I am part of my mom's legacy (and I am gonna be here on Earth) I WILL MAKE IT COUNT.

And I have.

And you can too! I don't want it to take as long for you and I want to share what I learned. I would be honored to show you the way.

If you just got here, I hope I can be a reminder to you that thriving in your life after loss is possible.

As my mentor Russell Friedman said, "You are not broken, you are broken-hearted."
And the good new is, broken hearts can heal with the right support, guidance, love, and action.

If you want to live like you mean it, rediscover who you want to be in this next chapter of your life, and even CHOOSE thriving rather than just surviving, I want to invite you to watch my FREE training : 4 Shifts to Move Beyond the Pain and Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life. It is basically an accumulation of 14 years of knowledge and experience summed up in one FREE 40 minute training.

Not only have I rediscovered my light after loss, I have literally helped over 1000 grievers and trained nearly 1000 grief professionals. Just so you know, loving life after loss does NOT mean you’ll never be sad again. It means that you are able to embrace all of your emotions and find your way back to center whenever you want.

If you are wondering what it takes, all you need in order to heal is to DECIDE that NOW is your time and that you are willing to dedicate yourself to your healing.

Is there something holding you back from being your best, highest self? Having the greatest impact? Making the most money?

Does it feel like you are close, but something is getting in the way of you stepping up as the greatest iteration of yourself? Do you long to be a thought leader, a voice of healing, a guide and helper to many?

Do you wish you knew what was getting in the way of you and your success?

Maybe there are other people in your industry who are not as skilled, but they are having more tangible success, and you are left wondering is MORE possible? Will I be stuck here? What are my obstacles?

What is keeping me from being the success story that I know deep down I am?
This was my story.

I was always really grateful, and I could always justify why what I had was enough, more than enough. I even shoulded myself, "Laura, you SHOULD feel grateful."

What I was denying myself was MORE impact. More connection. More love. More visibility. More money.

All the other stuff --- just symptoms.
Symptoms of doubt around my own enoughness and worthiness.

It all started with acknowledging and healing the deep emotional wounds from my early years.
Did you know that 70% of our beliefs are formed by the time we are 5 years old?
So if we want our inner child to stop driving the car of our life -- we have to make new choices.

We have to be able to look back at the past with deep respect and acknowledgement that our pain, challenges, heartaches, rejections, disappointments were all just wisdom markers on our journey of life.

These wisdom markers are what allow us to help others... they are what help us grow wiser not just older.

Knowledge plus experience and the willingness to grow through our feelings is wisdom.
Wisdom is what gives us the ability to support others. It is what gives us the ability to create a more beautiful world.

However, "wisdom" can also be seen as suffering.
Suffering that has been processed as grief is what leads to wisdom.

However, suffering unprocessed is misery.

Rising above pain and heartache to live a life of joy and service is a CHOICE that we get to make EACH Day. For me, being a coach and an entrepreneur with a mission is a journey with a VOW to continuous development on a soul level.
NO AVOIDING.
It can hurt. It can be hard. It is not for the faint of heart.

However, the gift is the greatest EXPANSION of the human experience.
It is like dancing with angels in the stars.

This vow to continuous growth is the opposite of empty.
It is pure presence.
And it is YOURS if you choose to say yes.

It will not be easy, but it is worth it.

Do you want to dance with joy?
Live at a vibration so high that even pain and heartache are seen as wisdom.

It hurts AND you give thanks for the wisdom markers, the growth.

Thank each soul for the lessons they teach you.
Thank your soul family for reminding you what it feels like breathe easily, freely and completely.

The ones who hurt you are also part of your team. They teach you where you can still grow.

Your time here on Earth is purely to grow.

Do you want to play the game of growth or suffering?

Or better yet, GROWTH THROUGH SUFFERING.

Sometimes, you tap into the memory of your highest self -- your connection to something greater... and then back to being human.

Both are valuable.

Let's elevate the consciousness of the planet. Let's grow together.

Let me be your guide.
I will take your hand-- blow off the dust of societal programming and help you REMEMBER your essence... STEP INTO YOUR GREATNESS.

Your loss was your AWAKENING. Let's not let it be in vain.

Let's elevate. We need you.

Loving life is possible. Having an impact is possible. Sharing your gifts with the world is possible. It is all yours.

It starts with saying yes to yourself.

If you are ready to say yes to living your authentic truth and then sharing your love, compassion, and gifts with the world:

1. Watch our free training HERE: Compassionate Communication 101 to gain a deeper understanding of why compassion must start with you.

2. Watch our free training HERE: 4 Shifts for Moving Beyond the Pain of Loss So You Can Rediscover Meaning, Purpose, and Growth in Your Life

3. Get my book HERE: The Compassion Code: How to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens.

4. Join our free community HERE: Living The Compassion Code

Do you get to Friday and just want to check out?  Do you wish you knew how to feel refreshed even when you are feeling so depleted? Have you gotten complacent, but you really want to feel excited?

If you consider yourself a compassionate, heart-center person who tends to be low on the priority list when it come to what YOU need and want, I want to let you know that you aren't alone.

And the good news is that I have the answer for you.... but you may not like it. 

The truth is that the fastest path to burnout, depletion and disconnection comes from over-giving to others while being stingy and mean to yourself.

The solution to your burnout, disconnection and depletion is... 
Drum roll please... FIERCE SELF-COMPASSION.
 
Fierce compassion means you are as kind, gentle, and generous with yourself as you are to others.
It means finding the balance between firm and kind.
It means loving boundaries for yourself so that you can give from full.

The key to longevity and joy as a heart-centered leader is fierce compassion that starts with you.

As one of my amazing heart-centered clients said, "A better ministry starts with a better me."
And in my opinion that is true in any compassionate leadership role. 

If you are realizing that you are a heart-centered person who is depleted on the road to burnout (or already there) and you want to know how to begin to have FIERCE COMPASSION for yourself watch our free training HERE— Compassionate Communication 101: 5 Shifts Heart-Centered Leaders Use to Overcome Compassion Fatigue, Reignite Their Purpose, and Serve at Their Highest Level.

To being fiercely compassionate starting with yourself,

Laura Jack

Where are you on the Bell Curve? It can differ personally vs professionally. Learn more in my book: The Compassion Code.