Surviving Anniversaries and Other Hard Days…
Q: “ How do I navigate the overwhelm that I feel as the anniversary of my loved one’s death approaches?”
A: When we are deeply connected to another and then they are gone, it can be “I don’t want to get out of bed” devastating.
So what do we do on the days when we just wish they were around?
I have experienced this time and time again during the important and sometimes mundane moments of life… when I just wish my mom were there.
It is hard when everything — smells, music, food, places, movies, people — remind you that this person that you love is no longer here to experience life with you. Either the memories are tapping you on the shoulder or you are wishing you knew what it would be like to have that person by your side in this new moment.
Some people even tell me that they feel bad or sad when they feel good. And to that I say, you can honor your loved one and feel connected to them as much if not more when you’re thriving than when you’re just surviving.
Have you ever just wanted to push it down or ignore it? Perhaps you just want to be happy and pretend that things are fine? I HAVE.
However, grief doesn’t like to be ignored; in fact, it wants to be acknowledged.
Grief isn’t showing up to be mean or to hurt you, it is showing up to remind us of our loved ones. We grieve because we love and this is a normal and natural reaction to loss.
So what can you do on those especially hard days:
1) Give yourself permission to feel however you are feeling and take a moment to share your truth with someone who is compassionate and non-judgmental; it can be tremendously healing.
2) Share stories and memories. This may bring tears, but it can also bring laughter. We get into trouble when we hold back our tears, hold in our pain, or refuse to feel. These feelings get stuck inside of us and they can manifest in other ways.
3) Do something special to honor your person. Whether it is something that you would have enjoyed doing together or it is something you think they would have liked… set aside time and do it. Depending on you and the activity, you can invite others to participate.
4) Let other people know what is going on for you and what you needso they don’t have to guess. No one can read our minds, and we most likely wouldn’t want them to. When you can, let people know what you want and need from them. If you do or don’t want to talk about it, tell them. If you are struggling with something, share with grace and vulnerability and let them know that they don’t need to fix you.
5) Be kind to yourself. If you aren’t getting what you want from others, set the intention of providing it for yourself.
I honor your courage to heal, live, and thrive in your life after loss.
If you want to learn more about thriving after loss, check out my 7 Days To Thriving Ebook and Mini-Course by clicking the image below.