What to Say When Someone is Sad…

As we chatted with our daughter Ayla on FaceTime, it was clear that her little heart was hurting to be away from her mommy and daddy.

For our 10 year anniversary, Aaron and I decided to go on a little trip to celebrate. This is the first time, since our daughter was born almost two and a half years ago, that we have both been away from her for more that 24 hours. 

At first she was so excited to talk to us, but as she realized that we weren’t going to be home, she turned to her grandma and said, “I want my mommy.” The tears filled her eyes. 

Instead of her normal two year old crying when she doesn’t get her way, it was clear that her heart was hurting. Why weren’t mommy and daddy with her?

​​​​​​​While I so badly wanted to make it all better for her, I knew that I couldn’t. I also know, because of the work I do, how important it is to allow her to feel her feelings.

Instead of saying, “It’s okay, mommy and daddy will be home soon,” or “It’s okay, you’re with your nana who loves you,” which are both true, I said, “It’s okay to be sad. We’re sad too, and we miss you.”

The biggest difference here is that we acknowledged and validated her feelings rather than trying to fix them.

It was one of the saddest moments to witness my little baby feel so sad. In life, we never want to see people we love hurting.

After we got of the phone, my husband shared something very profound. He said, “She loves us so much that it hurts her to be apart. It is so beautiful to see her feel so intensely. She is so alive.”

​​​​​​​His words resonated with me so deeply. We spend so much time ignoring and numbing our feelings because we are scared to feel them, but the problem is we don’t get to choose which feelings we numb.
If you numb the pain, you also numb the joy. And then you realize that you are merely surviving life, rather than truly living it.  

Do you numb your feelings? Do you wish you could thrive in your daily life?

If so, click on the images below or visit my Resources Page to take advantage of all the free resources I have to offer!

The 7 Days to Thriving eBook is a holisitic approach to thriving after loss, while The Compassion Code Starter Kit is a guide to help you say the right thing when the wrong thing happens (like in the story above). And those are just a couple!

One Response

  1. Bobbie Taitano

    That was a beautiful story. Miss you guys. Uncle Ron says to hug Ayla for him. Sending hugs from all of us.

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