Oh, Mother’s Day…
Mother’s Day, like all holidays, can bring a mixture of emotions.
While we all technically have a mother, what happens after birth varies greatly.
I had no idea how challenging Mother’s Day could be until my mom died because most of my life it was just a day where our family did something nice for our mom.
Since her death and after working with many men and women who have complicated and non-existent relationships with their mothers, I realize how much emotion this holiday can bring.
As we say in Grief Recovery, unresolved grief comes from the things we wish were “different, better, or more… or a loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.”
Whether your mother is living or dead, available or unavailable, distant or over-bearing, there are always things we wish were different, better, or more.
For example, I wish that my mom hadn’t died so young. I wish that my mom were here to be a grandmother. I wish my mom could be here to witness her babies being parents. I wish I could tell her I love her one more time. I wish I could tell her how much more I appreciate her now that I am a mom.
The other piece of this is around motherhood. Mother’s Day also brings up feelings for women who want or wanted to be mothers but could not, who were mothers but who lost their children, or for mothers whose children are no longer in their lives.
Relationships are complicated, particularly with the women who bring us into this world and/or raise us.
If you know a mother, yours or someone else’s, who you think is doing a great job, let them know. If you are a mother, be kind to yourself, as it seems to be the hardest job in the world.
Whether this day is a celebration or a challenge, be compassionate to yourself and others, as everyone has a story and no relationship is perfect.
What do you wish were different, better, or more with your mom? What hopes, dreams and expectations did you or do you have that haven’t or won’t ever be met? What are you grateful for?