Is Your “I’m Fine,” a Lie?
Do you know why people are afraid to ask, “How are you?”
It’s because if the answer is anything but “fine” or “good”, they are not sure what they will say or do.
That’s why people who have broken hearts are constantly lying saying, “I’m fine.” We (I will include myself here) don’t want to burden others with our sadness, pain, or bad day. And, we don’t want them to make it worse by trying to fix it for us.
One of the biggest myths of grief according to The Grief Recovery Institute is, don’t feel bad.
Don’t feel bad is often followed by the words at least. So, it usually goes something like:
“Don’t feel bad, at least he’s in a better place.”
“Don’t feel bad, at least you hated your job anyway.”
“Don’t feel bad, at least you can have other kids.”
“Don’t feel bad, at least you are young and can find another spouse.”
The don’t feel bads go on and on. The important thing I want you to know is this:
People don’t say these things to be jerks. They say these things because they want to make it better and they have no idea how. So they rely on what they have been taught…
Which brings up back to the first myth of grief, Don’t Feel Bad.
The downfall of these three little words is that they go against the very feelings we are experiencing.
When we are told not to feel bad and we do feel bad, we can begin questioning ourselves: “What’s wrong with me?”
Or we begin feeling like it isn’t safe to share the truth of our emotional experience: “I guess I have to feel this way all by myself… No one understands me.”
If you want to learn more about how to say the right thing when the wrong thing happens, check out my free ebook The Compassion Code Starter Kit by clicking the picture below.